When my wife and I were dating, just prior to getting marriage, we went through the The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman book together. She had one and I had one. I was working in a time zone 10.5 hours away so we would get on Skype and go through our answers together. At first I was like, “What the heck are the five love languages? I don’t know about all this mushy stuff”. Well, it’s pretty interesting.
It’s been over 10 years since I’ve read the book but the big takeaway for me was, what is my language and what is hers? Some people, actually many like me, have a couple languages. Mine are “Physical Touch” and “Words of Affirmation”. When my wife touches me I melt like an ice cream cone on a July evening. You may be wondering, “What are the languages, dude”? They are receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch. Now, just take a moment and think about those before starting the next paragraph. Which one(s) do you think pertain to you?
In a nutshell, think about how you express love to your mate because, typically, people will express their love language and not the one that really applies to your partner. That’s the hard part and the part where people will fail. My wife’s languages are “Quality Time” and “Acts of Service”. Personally, I could care less if people do things for me. I’m a military guy and kind of anal. I’d rather do things myself. Sure, I appreciate it but it’s not necessary. The pitfall is knowing how to show or express love to my wife. So, I need to do little things for her around the house or whatever. That’s how I SHOW my love. She also likes “Date Days” or just spending time with me. Or at least I think she does. So, I need to ask her out and plan a date together with her.
What happens when you don’t speak your partner’s language? Their love tank begins to run empty. That’s not good. You need to keep adding to that tank as much as you can. Think of it as a competition if you have to. In theory, the more you fill their tank the more they’ll fill yours. They’ll speak your language more often. I like it when my wife speaks words of affirmation to me. I’m a man and a military minded man. I don’t need to be told how good I did or some other type of accolade. WRONG! I used to think that. Then I realized that I speak words of affirmation to other people and my wife quite a bit. I tell them how much I appreciate them, how pretty she is, how smart she is, how she’s the only girl for me, etc., etc. You’ll find that, in some cases, a sudden rise in speaking your partner’s language may be a sign that their tank is running low. Being mindful of this is important because you may find yourself starting to back off or retreat in your language speaking when your own tank runs empty. When your spouse begins to speak YOUR language to you, suddenly, key into that as a sign that THEIR tank is running low. Time to reciprocate!
I have found that learning these languages not only help in a relationship with your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, they also help with your kids, with friends and even with sales! Speaking words into people make them feel good. What’s really cool about what Gary Chapman has done is he has targeted specific groups of people and wrote books pertaining directly to them. Like the military edition shown above. Here are some others.
If you’re looking for a little boost in your relationships, I HIGHLY recommend starting with this book. Find the one shown above and get it! Read it and see if that doesn’t added a little spark in the relationship you’re looking to rekindle. I am a firm believer in this as it has directly impacted me and my relationships. What are your thoughts? Have you read this book? As always, thanks for reading and I hope this has stirred some thought in your head. Please LIKE, SHARE and SUBSCRIBE to my blog. Thanks!!