Being Present: A Personal Journey

This one is a bit of a deep dive and a reckoning. It’s a deep dive in terms of getting to the root of what’s really going on and being honest with yourself. It’s a reckoning in terms of “being your view, opinion, or judgment of yourself.” That being said, I’m gonna ask that you practice being present, right now, to take this in and sit on it a bit. Let it stir inside as the thoughts in your head bounce back and forth to the feelings in your heart. Let the two work it out until you have clarity and are settled with how to proceed as you continue your personal journey of growth.

Understanding Presence

Being present has been defined as, “being focused and engaged in the here and now, not distracted or mentally absent.” I have personally struggled with this so much in my life. When I was a kid I was told I had ADHD, ADD, or I was a “fart in a hot skillet.” Always thinking about something or somewhere else plagued me. Actually, being able to focus on what was in front of me was a major challenge, unless I was interested in it. Needless to say, school sucked for me. I didn’t want to be there and I wasn’t interested in it.

I still struggle with it today, even now as I sit and write this. I’m thinking about chores I need to get done, other things I’d rather be doing and flight fares I need to be watching for a family trip to Mexico. How do I manage this? How do I stay on task? How do I be present?

The Balance Between Past, Present, and Future

I once heard someone say to me, “Dude, be where your shoes are.” I thought that was kinda dumb at first, then as that statement marinated it started to make sense. Just be here, all of me, right now. Don’t worry about what is in front of me or what has happened behind me. I can’t change the past; I can only choose my path ahead. Did you see that keyword? I said “worry.” When we begin to worry, we begin to rationalize.

If we’re not present, we’re either in the past or future. Think of our feelings and emotions as waves on a monitor that tracks our heartbeat. When the line is on the low side—representing focus on the past—we experience depression, shame, guilt, remorse, and hopelessness. When the line rises too high—representing anxiety about the future—we become overly sensitive, which can lead to overreacting, anger, and rage. Where we want to live is in the middle.

The Trap of Living in the Past

Thinking back on old relationships, the health we used to have, the cool things we did, the obstacles we conquered can trap us. Have we quit or are our best days ahead of us?

At 50, I’ve accumulated some physical limitations. I used to love to run, hike, jump and was very physically active. Having had two knee surgeries, that life is gone. I can sit and feel sorry for myself, or I could repurpose what I’ve learned and continue mission. The past is for reflection, not residence. We grow from our experiences; we gain wisdom from them.

The Anxiety of the Unknown Future

I once read that anxiety and excitement have the exact same biophysical effect on the human body. Think about a roller coaster at a theme park. You’re there with a friend who has never been there. They’re excited because it’s new to them! You, having had a bad experience last time, are filled with anxiety. Fear of the future based on past experiences.

Many people have this same feeling after getting divorced and trying to date again. Some people are so stuck that they never jump back into the dating scene. Your past can paralyze you.

Anthony De Mello said it best: “We do not have a fear of the unknown. What we fear is giving up the known.” The “known is comfort”, right? Well, what if “the known” is a lie? The old windshield analogy works well here. If we drive our vehicle focused on the rearview mirror we’re probably going to crash. Why focus on that tiny mirror showing what is behind us when we have that whole windshield right in front of us? Our whole unwritten future.

Learning Presence Through Golf

My experience with golf provides a perfect example of presence in action. I started golfing in 2018 and got hooked immediately. Over the years, I’ve pursued mastery of the game, but noticed a significant barrier to improvement: my focus on score and past mistakes.

On the 7th hole, after already losing balls to slices and chunking chip shots, I’d start calculating what I needed on the remaining holes. As I set up to tee off thinking, “Don’t slice it again,” I’d hook the ball into the creek. My focus on previous holes and future score made me forget to “be where my shoes are” and focus on my setup and technique in the present moment.

Practical Steps to Practice Presence

So how do we shift our thinking and start being present? Here are some practical approaches that have helped me:

1. Name and acknowledge your feelings – When depression, guilt, regret, anxiety, or nervousness creep in, simply call it out. Recognize what’s happening in your mind.
2. Create pre-event routines – Develop consistent routines before approaching stressful situations that help center you in the present.
3. Practice mindful breathing – Slow down and breathe deeply. This feeds your brain oxygen and helps reset your nervous system.
4. Implement a “presence trigger” – Use a physical reminder (like looking at your shoes) to bring yourself back to the present moment.
5. Start with small practice sessions – Begin with short periods of intentional presence and gradually extend them.

The Path Forward

I know this was a lot to take in. You can choose to disregard everything you’ve just read or actually take a few moments to sit and chew on this before you click to another tab or swipe to another app. Just sit and think about how you are approaching life.

Are you focused on the past or the future? Or are you focused on right now?

Granted, there are times that require planning and executing, I get it. But with our spouse, kids, and friends, we can forget what happened and what is going to happen and simply enjoy being with them right now.

Practice gratitude for even being able to read this. It’s the compounding of the small wins—those moments of true presence—that lead us to living a successful, fulfilling life.

Remember: Be where your shoes are.