Humility? OUCH!!!

I certainly didn’t practice this when I was a young father. Haven’t seen those fathers who reprimand their children in public? Go to a military installation on a Saturday or Sunday. Head on over to the PX/BX and you’ll see what I mean. Mothers do it, too. It tends to be the norm, so it’s really no big deal. Or is it? We won’t see the real affects of doing that until the kids are older.

Looking back at my parents when I was younger, I’d consider my folks pretty humble people. I don’t recall them getting onto me or my sisters in public any more than any other parent. I’m not sure why I went traveled down another route. The only reason I can see is that I was a soldier. I left very little room for error with my kids because that’s how my life was in the Army. Which is pretty stupid, really. I mean, kids are going to screw up nonstop as they grow because that’s how they learn. From their mistakes. Treating them like young adults with certain expectations is not a loving way to raise kids. When in the Army, I made mistakes and screwed things up on occasion. When I did, I usually got chewed out and punished in some military type way. Not really disciplined, but punished. Being prideful hurt me as well. Not having the gonads to explain to my children that I made mistakes. Trying to convince them that dad was always right was, well, always the wrong thing to do.

Excerpt taken from the book “Man of Steel and Velvet” by Aubrey Andelin.

Part of being a man is being humble. It’s actually a huge part of being a man. Even in the civilian world I have friends and see other fathers who allow very little room for kids to make mistakes. Many mothers are guilty of it as well. People just don’t have the grace to give to others when mistakes are made. Often getting angry when people don’t do things your way or up to your standard can be frustrating. Just know that everyone is different. Some people are perfectionist and some are not. That has to be accepted because it’s not something that can be changed. If you pray to have grace to give to others, guess what? You’re going to be given the “opportunity” to give grace through frustrating scenarios until you finally understand it and begin to practice it. You have to practice it. It’s not a switch that can be turned on. The more you practice giving grace to people/kids when they make mistakes, the easier it’ll be to give it.

Here’s a hint: If you’re someone who is constantly yelling at people or getting on to people, you may be the person who’s loved ones would greatly benefit from this whole grace practicing bit.

I would say that not being congruent is probably the main reason people lack humility. When the head and heart aren’t connected there is misalignment. What I mean is, when we see something, our mind processes it immediately to determine the reaction. What takes longer is the heart trying to understand what’s going on. That’s when empathy kicks in.

“The difference between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms is: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters. empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another.”

If we would only take a moment to look at the situation in which we are about to explode over and try to understand the perspective of the person at fault, then our response would be more grace than reprimand. Also, during that moment of understanding, thinking about a time we made that same mistake. We would, then, be able to teach/discipline with humility vs that of a dictator.

We don’t want our children to grow up remembering how unkind we were to them when they made mistakes. No one likes to be yelled at or publicly embarrassed. We want them to grow up and remember how understanding we were and how great we were at teaching them. When we constantly talk down to our children they will lose the security in confiding in us. They’ll turn to others to share their feelings with. Thus creating a barrier in our relationships. They, in turn, will treat our grandchildren the same way because that’s how the child was taught. Humility is one of the most important  skills a parent can practice. You can start today, even if you don’t have children or a mate. Practice it with strangers and co-workers. The reciprocity you’ll receive from others just may surprise you.

Thanks for reading!!! What do you think about humility? Do you practice it? Leave a comment! Please follow and share!!! Have a great day!

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