This one’s a little personal, but I felt like I should share it. Over the years, I’ve wrestled with being guarded—putting up walls, assuming the worst, and preparing for battles that weren’t even happening. Maybe you’ve been there too.
I wrote this reflection because I realized those old defenses still creep in sometimes. If it helps even one person drop their guard, ask instead of assume, and find peace in God, then it’s worth putting out there.
There was a time I wore a scowl like body armor. I was cold, hard, and unapproachable—by design. Basically an asshole. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel anything; it was that I felt too much. Betrayal has a way of burning you so deeply that you’d rather build a fort of barbed wire around your heart than risk being hurt again.
For me, marriage had been that battlefield. I made myself vulnerable, got blindsided, and in the aftermath I swore, Never again. I traded tenderness for toughness, openness for silence, and connection for control. The irony? In protecting myself, I also imprisoned myself.
The Guard Goes Up
Old wounds don’t always stay buried. Just these past few days, I felt them resurface. My mind went into full-blown contingency mode: alarms blaring, concertina wire deployed, scanning the horizon for incoming fire. Why? Because I saw actions that reminded me of the past, and I assumed I knew the ending of this story.
But here’s the problem: assumptions are lazy lies. They’re guesses dressed up as facts. And I know better. Years ago I was taught, Ask, don’t assume. Yet asking requires humility. Asking means admitting, I might be wrong.
So I did ask. And when I got new evidence—real clarity instead of shadowboxing ghosts—the water cleared. What I had feared wasn’t what was happening. My assumptions had been wrong.
The Whisper of Doubt
This is where I believe the Devil loves to sneak in. He whispers seeds of doubt, suspicion, and division. And if you’re not careful, you’ll water those seeds with old hurts until they choke out the truth. That’s why being “equally yoked” matters so much in marriage. When those whispers start, I need to bring them into the light with my wife. I share my feelings with her, not so she can fix me, but so God can speak through her. Her words often realign me with His truth.
And then, piece by piece, I gather up that barbed wire I threw down in panic.
The Anxiety Trap
I realized something: anxiety is nothing more than casting into the future with bait from the past. You look ahead and think, I know how this ends, because you’ve seen a version of it before. But life doesn’t work that way. The ball in front of me today is not the ball I sliced yesterday. I can only address the shot I’m standing over now.
That truth hit me like a golf lesson from God Himself: focus on the present, not the past or imagined future.
Weakness That Isn’t Weakness
Here’s the kicker: what I once thought of as weakness—this tendency to feel deeply, to be affected, to wrestle with old patterns—might actually be a strength. It means I’m aware. It means I can stop mid-swing, recalibrate, and choose differently. It means I can walk with someone else in their pain because I’ve walked that road myself.
We all want the same thing: to be seen, heard, and valued. To trust and be trusted. That starts with letting down our guard, even if it feels risky.
And if someone disturbs my peace? That’s not necessarily a me problem. Sometimes, it’s a them problem. My job is to stay present, stay honest, and keep the wire rolled up unless there’s a real enemy at the gates.
Scripture Tie-In
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
— Philippians 4:6-7
When I remember that, I don’t need the concertina wire anymore—because God Himself is my guard.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I don’t share this stuff because I’ve got it all figured out—I share it because I don’t. We’re all learning, all stumbling forward, all trying to stay present and walk in grace.
Maybe this week, when you feel the wire starting to go up, pause. Breathe. Pray. Ask instead of assume. You might be surprised how much peace comes when you let God be your guard.
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