Many who know me have seen quite a bit of change in me the past month. This morning as I was having some reflection time and reading I kind of chuckled to myself. I thought, “Dude, I’ve totally taken the pill and entered the Matrix”. Things look so differently to me now. I have been awakened and I see things differently. I have a new realization of things around me in my world. I know this sounds deep and a little hokey, but it’s real.

This morning I went for a walk down the beach. My wife stayed in bed as I slipped out at 6am. I wanted to catch the sun rising. The clouds screwed it up for me but the rays that were cast down, blasting between the openings in the clouds, were remarkable. I think I like those better than the actual sun coming up. After my walk I found a quiet place for my morning meditation, TM, just off the beach and out of the sand gnats that were biting me. I had my book, Awareness by Anthony De Mello, with me and peeled it open for some short reading before I began to empty the trash from my mind. See, when I do my TM (Transcendental Meditation), it empties trash (mindless thoughts) from my head and helps me to sort thoughts that are worthwhile. This has been absolute game changer in my life. I’ve seen a lot and have experienced a lot. I highly recommend it for combat veterans. Back on point. What I read this morning in my book was a short chapter about “Negative Feelings Towards Others”. This book has given me a lot of laughs. It’s about waking up. Let’s talk about that.

When I’ve gotten on Facebook recently, I just scratch my head and am baffled at how much trash is on there. There is so much sadness, fear and anger. Politics, loneliness and other mindless posts muddy up my “feed”. I’m sitting here, in my world, and looking at all the people who are still asleep doing the zombie walk in life. I really feel like Neo walking down the sidewalk for the first time. It’s like people are robots. They have no realization to what’s really going on. It’s sad but I don’t feel sorry for them. Feeling sorry for people results in me spending my “Joy Dollars” and I don’t like giving those away. It’s handing out pity. You can empathize but don’t “feel” sorry. Don’t feel sorry for other people who are feeling sorry for themselves.

People are so concerned with what other people think, dressing the way society wants them to, walking/talking the way their peers and society does. There is very little independence. People depend on others to dictate how they feel. “We all depend on one another for all kinds of things”. When you depend on other people that depending turns in to demanding. Demanding can turn into let down and let down can turn into hate and anger. Enter, “The Hate Spiral”. Maybe it’s an acceptance thing, I suppose. “Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you’re living in an illusion. There’s something seriously wrong with you”. “Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality”. “Contact with reality, dropping one’s illusions, making contact with the real”.

I had not planned on mentioning this but it’s selfish for me not to. I spent a week at “The Matrix” headquarters. It’s called Boulder Crest Retreat. Before I go any further I’d just like to state that anything I write or say should not reflect BCR’s stance. They didn’t program me how to think. They simply “woke me up”. It was the most incredible week of my life. That’s a bold statement but it’s a solid fact. I didn’t realize how thick the scales on my eyes had built up over my lifetime. We were guided along a path of realization. We figured things out for ourselves. We were not given “tools” to fix issues in our lives but instead given “practices” to, well, practice. I will forever look back on that week as my Great Awakening. I came to realize that I actually do like, no, love people. I am a people person. Upon entering BCR I did not like people. You have to know me to really understand how I felt. I had such an issue with “people” that I ended up closing my business of 6 years. I was a very bitter asshole; bluntly put. I ran business off eventually. People who knew me stuck around. I also realized I treated my 4 amazing children like slaves and my wife like a servant. I was a horrible person. I hated myself and didn’t know how to change. I am awake now and realize how wonderful and beautiful life is. I love people and myself. One of my missions is to spread this to others. There are many people hurting out there. Many brother and sister veterans. We are going to turn this thing around.

I will do a full write up on Boulder Crest Retreat at a later time. Not now because it deserves a write up dedicated solely to “the mountain”.

The day is beginning. Time for me to enjoy being in the presence of my bride. Have a great day people!!

“Dictated but not read”

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